You Say Rappel, I Say Abseil

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Alternately titled: Glowworms!

That right there is my boy Matt observing glowworm mucus. Speaking of, I would travel all the way to another hemisphere just to meet another San Franciscan. Ironically enough, he was the only American I met on my travels (and a humble yet high-falutin’ anesthesiologist at that), and we’re practically neighbors. But all the better because I like making friends I can actually hang out with when I return home and relive our experiences. Especially when you meet people dressed like this:

Sexy, no? I mean, everyone looks fabulous in 5mm neoprene. But then, you really know who your true friends are if they’ll still talk to you looking like something that walked out of the movie Aeonflux, but not nearly as hot. We were going to be in some pretty cold caves in 50-degree water in the New Zealand for five hours straight—this from the girl who won’t even plunge into the chilly Pacific Ocean on the rare 95 degree San Francisco day—so it was vital that we all suit up (yeah, Barney Stinson, what up!) accordingly.

(I’m not too sure why I’m holding a dog here, but our fearless leaders Doug and Brydie felt the need to hand us props.) The other two were this lovely English couple who, well, weren’t exactly the toughest of cavers. But their accents made up for the whining, which tends to be the case with most Brits that I know. Before we dropped ourselves into the cave, we had to properly learn how to abseil down a grassy knoll first.

I would say it was harder than it looks, but that’d be a lie. Then, it was time to try the real thing.

I may try to act all hardcore and I really do feel it about 90 percent of the time, but I’d be lying out my ass if I said I wasn’t the slightest bit petrified when I peered below me and saw the fat-man’s-squeeze-type hole I would drop through as I descended dangling with just my own hands guiding me, 100 feet into a pitch-black cave.

That’s British Liz before she properly freaked out. I was the first to descend and once I realized I was actually going to fit through the small opening in the cave, my confidence built and I did a couple Bond-type jumps to the bottom. It was one of the more insane experiences of my life—the glowworms on the ceiling were the sole source of light. The boys, however, did not have it easy. Apparently, the harness squeezed on certain parts in the most painful of ways. Simon literally looked like he was going to burst into tears when he reached the bottom, and Matt drew up a business proposal to copyright crotchless wetsuits. I say it serves them right for not having to go through the pains of childbirth or forking over $65 a month for birth control. After we all made it down successfully, we did a little hiking to our next point of interest: the Flying Fox zipline. Which we also went down, in the dark.

(Liz again.) By that point, we were all properly frozen to the bone marrow, so Doug declared it snack time and popped out a big block of Cadbury chocolate (my favorite!) and some hot Tang, and it was the yummiest tasting Tang I’ve ever put in my mouth (come to think of it, it might have been the only Tang I ever put in my mouth, but details, people).

From there, we were each given an old black tire tube that we had to throw into the raging rapids (bit of an exaggeration—it was pretty mild) below and jump into simultaneously. We then “rafted” up and down the river with just the glowworms for light, and I kind of thought the whole touting it as “rafting” was hilarious, as we were made to wade, drag and kick our way through the cave. There was no current whatsoever, no actual rafting per se, just occasionally floating and kicking, and man, was it tiring. There were even a few freshwater eels that slithered by, and I couldn’t help but think of that scene in The Princess Bride. The shrieking eels! (Luckily, these eels, they were rather quiet.)

There was also whole lot of squeezing through tiny spaces. For somewhere in the neighborhood of three hours, we made our way in and out of caves and waterfalls. Our intrepid leader Doug had us turn off our headlamps at times. As my head grazed the ceiling, I knew why: The spaces were barely big enough for our bodies. Anyone with even a mild case of claustrophobia (read: THIS GIRL) would hyperventilate. I nearly did. Several times.

Finally, finally, after five hours of my feet feeling like they were going to fall off from hypothermia, we, quite literally, saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Hi, Mr. Sun!

(That, apparently, is my welcome-to-the-gun-show victorious pose.) All in all, despite my digits taking hours to regain feeling, would I do it again? IN A HEARTBEAT. In fact, when Scott and I finally make it to the South Island, I think we’re going to have to detour to Waitomo just for this very experience.

*Apparently, abseiling and rappelling are the same thing…who knew? It’s one of these pants vs. trouser type of Britishisms. I kept recapping my adventure as abseiling, and Scott had the audacity to call me pretentious when I just had it ingrained in me that I went ABSEILING and not RAPPELLING. It turns out I did both (I’m a multi-tasker like that). But now when you go to New Zealand, you won’t commit the same faux pas I did. You can thank me after your trip; I accept payment in the form of chocolate chip cookies.

**All pictures courtesy of the Black Water Rafting Co. Such lovely, lovely people! If you go, ask for Doug or Brydie—they rock in all the right ways!

COMMENTS
  • April 13, 2009

    That is SO COOL. Seriously. You just blew my mind.

  • April 13, 2009

    Um, wow. Terrifying, yet awesome. And you rocked that suit, just like you did the stinger suit 😉

  • April 13, 2009
    Amy

    Girl, you are CRAZY! This looks amazing, though! I am so impressed!

  • April 13, 2009

    Adventure noted. Will have to partake in this activity if I can get past the most horrifying part- hot Tang. ::shutters::

  • April 13, 2009

    I love that you are posting this. We need to embrace the goodness too.

    xoxo

  • April 13, 2009

    That looks like SO much fun. Of course, I’m sure I would be doing some hyperventilating — I’m a wee bit claustrophobic at times. I even got a little freaked out in the slot canyons in Utah, and you can see the sun at the top of them.

  • April 13, 2009

    Wait, did you mean their ACCENTS make up for their whining, or did you really mean their ACCIDENTS? Both are hilarious, but either way, I hope you’re not talking about me!

  • April 13, 2009
    msftgm

    As the San Franciscan mentioned in the text, I can further attest: it was frigging awesome. Kristen, I want the rest of my pics. I shall pay for them with many an alcoholic beverage to be consumed somewhere in the Mission…

  • April 13, 2009
    SVV

    I’m still trying to ingest the pink hoola hoop and worm snot.
    And I’m willing to bet the tour operators have a rather large photo archive of people in tutu’s, puppies and random garbage cans..

  • April 14, 2009

    That is way cool! I’m definately putting Waitomo Caves on my NZ list. When working at a cave I was always asked about the glow worms we didn’t have.

  • April 14, 2009
    Bethany

    I saw that ‘small spaces’ photo on your Flickr last night and immediately thought GACK! CLAUSTROPHOBIA! and knew I could never do that without a bit of a meltdown. It definitely looks like a cool place, though.

  • April 14, 2009
    Patty

    I completely agree with Bethany. I saw your “small spaces” picture and sincerely felt my test tighten. I have not really ever considered myself clausterphobic, but this makes me begin to think otherwise. You, though, completely rock! Awesome adventure! Thanks for sharing it with us!

  • April 14, 2009

    That looked like it was so much fun!! I once went “spelunking” into a cave in the Philippines and thought I was a tough girl. But until you actually experience crawling in between the darkest and tightest chasms with no exit in sight, then “claustrophobia” is a foreign word.
    By the way, Princess Bride is a fave movie! At least you didn’t see Rodents Of Unusual Size…

  • April 14, 2009
    ali

    this is why you are the perfect friend…i can just watch you do all these things i know i never will. heh

  • April 14, 2009

    I totally need to pull out the pictures of me in that particular outfit. The little hat was my favorite.

  • April 14, 2009

    I say abseil too.

  • April 14, 2009

    I would have passed out.
    That’s pretty much the coolest thing I’ve seen.

  • April 14, 2009

    Who do your real friends EAT? 😛 (sorry, I found the mistype amusing :))
    That looks awesome! I only spent 13 short days in NZ so didn’t see nearly everything, including not seeing Waitomo – on my list of things to do when I go back for a real trip! 😀

  • April 17, 2009

    Wow, this looks like fun! We did something similiar in Fiji a couple of years back but it wasn’t nearly as interesting. Now I want to go to NZ!

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