You Know You’re a San Franciscan When…

You leave the house in a tank top and skirt at 8am and return at noon in a wool coat and scarf. (Also, add to the list: You’re smart enough to carry layers with you wherever you go.)

Your calves are the thickest part about you thanks to streets called Gough, Vermont, Divis and Lombard.

Your heating bill is higher in July then all of the winter months combined.

You plan your brunch dates for mid-week with your fellow self-employed pals, so you don’t waste two hours of your Saturday waiting in line at your favorite establishments like Zazie and Red Door Cafe; all other friends (and husbands) who work a traditional office job are SOL.

red door cafe, san francisco, brunch

You’ll pay $20 to park your car in an outdoor lot for the day because that’s a hell of a deal for not having to run and check the meter every two hours or, worse, spend the next 45 minutes of your life searching for a parking space.

You learn which routes through the Tenderloin have the least amount of homeless people you’ll have to ignore as you pass.

You’ll wear a cocktail dress (bare arms) and stilettos (no tights) out at night in 40 degree weather because you own those kinds of clothes and there’s really “no good time” to wear them anyway.

You get your monthly wax (TMI?) in the South Bay because it means an escape! To the sunshine! And your smile gets brighter as every mile the thermometer rises a degree.

You consider $2000 a month in rent for a two-bedroom apartment cheap. (It is: We swear!)

You no longer own a flat iron or hair dyer–or, at the very least, it’s been so long you’ve used them that they’ve garnered an impressive collection of dust–because you know five minutes out in the Bay wind will render your efforts useless anyway.

Beach bonfires in the summer mean breaking out your ski jacket.

Despite all the aforementioned, you can’t imagine living anywhere else.

(All just hypothetical reasoning, of course.)

COMMENTS
  • August 2, 2010

    And reading this, just makes me want to live there all the more, says the girl who is suffering through temps over 100 with humidity in the 80% range.

    I long for my winter coats.

  • August 2, 2010

    I love this!

  • August 2, 2010
    Emily

    Does it count if I know all of these things even though I don’t live there? 😉 Seriously, I want the honorary San Franciscan title. Also, I will live there. One of these days…

  • August 2, 2010
    Lunachance

    I think you need to tell us more about the delicious looking plate of food. Makes my mouth water –
    Enviously,
    Lunachance

  • August 2, 2010

    I’ll add:
    – You have collected so many scarves that they require an entire drawer of their own.
    – You feel horribly guilty if, upon finding a takeout box in the fridge that is full of mold and a single sheet of aluminum foil, you chuck the entire thing in the trash instead of sorting out the recycleable/compostable pieces.
    – You’d prefer to walk the mile to [insert location] rather than driving or waiting for the bus; driving would entail parking, and taking the bus would entail waiting for more time than the walk would require.

  • August 2, 2010

    You look amazing and holy WOW I want to eat that!

  • August 2, 2010
    Bethany

    Ooh, I still want to move to SF, despite all this!

  • August 2, 2010
    Brandy

    Is that French toast? Whatever it is, it looks amazing, and I want to eat it.

    I must make it to San Francisco someday. I’ve always wanted to go, but the closest I’ve ever been is the airport.

  • August 2, 2010

    Fabulous dress gorgeous!

  • August 2, 2010
    Maria

    Love this post! And that plate of food, paper umbrella and all… looks delicious!

  • August 2, 2010
    SVV

    Haha, Abby! I’ll add:

    -You aren’t phased (much) by a grown man taking a crap between parked cars. In broad daylight.
    -Tattoos and nose-rings are a standard, not the exception.
    -You’ve gotten used to keeping one eye out for mad bicyclists when turning a corner.
    -You tender homicidal thoughts toward municipal ticket issuers.
    -Graffiti becomes art.

  • August 2, 2010

    OMG, ALL so true!

  • August 2, 2010

    SVV – That is all so true.

    Another SF thing: When someone comes up to speak to me on the street now, I assume that they are crazy. At home (in VA), I assume that they are nice.

  • August 2, 2010

    In Alaska we have four seasons: winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
    At least there are nice restaurants in your area.

  • August 3, 2010

    So funny and true! I lived in SF when I was young. It’s a lot warmer living in Santa Cruz and just visiting SF on the gorgeous days. 😉

  • August 3, 2010

    I remember those days fondly, almost.

  • August 3, 2010
    Kristin

    Abby and SVV: Valid points I failed to mention!
    Orion: San Francisco’s seasons aren’t completely different: fog, fog, a lot of fog, Indian summer.

  • August 3, 2010
    norm

    Oh hell yeah. This has been one cold foggy summer, even way down the coast here in Santa Babylon.

  • August 3, 2010

    Days like these, when I worry about taking the baby on a walk because of the heat, I seriously, seriously envy you guys and that cool weather!

  • August 4, 2010
    LillyOnTheMove

    This post makes me miss the Bay Area so much! I grew up there, and sometimes wish I could live there again. It’s a shame my job is based in Tucson. 🙁

  • August 4, 2010

    I’ve always wanted to live in San Fransisco, except for the part where I’m pretty sure I’d be one of those homeless people you referred to.

  • August 5, 2010

    Hai,guy,you make me envy. I love the life like this,so delicious food and so good frends.

  • March 20, 2011

    I’ve read this before but now actually having been to San Francisco, I completely understand where you’re coming from!

    • March 20, 2011
      Kristin

      Haha, especially the weather part, no doubt!

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